I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
