do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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