I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
