So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
