You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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