So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's always time for handjobs
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize