remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
