Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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