he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
