D3 body, D1 cock
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
now i know why i became what i already was.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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