I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
