Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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