the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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