I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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