Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize