Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
