so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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