just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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