a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
