Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
are you so shy because you have an std?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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