there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
