My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
