Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
