Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
