i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
In America we eat man semen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
