remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
