just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
