I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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