I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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