yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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