She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
