i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
