I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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