Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
the raccoons are back...
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