a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
