my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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