what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
