My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
