from now on my penis is your penis
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
