dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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