Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
