i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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