She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
