I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
