Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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