he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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