you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
