Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
