I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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