Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
