Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
