And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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