i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
