apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
