Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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