i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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