I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
