Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
