Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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