she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
