some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish you could order shots online.
is wine microwaveable?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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