Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
