Apparently you make a good broom.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
