Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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