I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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