It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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