Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
