my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
