Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
