You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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