Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
