im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need moral support for this bender
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
