she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
