Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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