im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
