Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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