I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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