i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize