I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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