can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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