how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
