I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
