I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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