I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
