You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
